


Holy Hell, Optimus

by Bomani_Akila_Neteru



Series: Those Sexy Aliens, Good Shit [3]
Category: Transformers - All Media Types
Genre: Annabelle likes her soda, Asexual Twins, F/M, Final one in the series, For Fuck's Sake Prowl, Goddammit Jazz, Holoforms, Holoforms for the win, Jazz laughs at Optimus, Last one I'm doing I swear, M/M, Multi, Optimus is Orion, Optimus put that shit in its place, Sequel, Sexy Prime, This is a sequel to those, Till that Prime walked in the room, Twins not interested in anything sexual, no more, oh hell yes, very small amount of violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-01
Updated: 2017-11-01
Packaged: 2019-01-27 18:28:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,920
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12587976
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bomani_Akila_Neteru/pseuds/Bomani_Akila_Neteru
Summary: Jazz turns lesbians straight, and Prowl turns straights gay, but Optimus is on a whole other level. He sexualizes asexuals.They had no idea he even had it in him. Holy Hell, Optimus!





	Holy Hell, Optimus

Round, round, and round. Joyce groaned boredly, her tired, green, cat like eyes following the spinning fan in the store she and her twin brother owned together.  
Speaking of; Jayce snorted in response to his sister's wordless complaint, and flicked invisible dirt off the counter. His own silent way of agreeing with his fraternal twin.

The bell rung, and they both straightened a bit.

‘Another straggler. Looks like they're just passing through.’ Joyce rolled her eyes, signalling to her brother as she caught sight of the haggard looking old man that had entered their convenience store.  
‘Looks like he might be trouble.’ Jayce signed back, scowling a little,  
‘Maybe. All we can really do is keep an eye on him, really.’ she shrugged. Neither twin was deaf, but they had developed a subtle way of signing to one another after inheriting their Uncle’s store three years prior.

It made it easier to deal with ruffians; often preventing trouble before it even had a chance to start.

Grumbling under his breath, Jayce huffed, threw himself back in his seat, and wrapped an arm around his sister's shoulders in a relaxed, familial way. Joyce chuckled, leaning halfway into her brother before grabbing and beginning to flip through a magazine on the counter.  
It was the same boring content. So and so had a scandal, this celebrity is pregnant, that one had her baby… who the hell cared? Most of it focused on sex- it was as if the world were obsessed with it, honestly. Disgusting.  
She rolled her eyes, slapped the magazine closed and tossed it back the pile, mentally praying for something interesting to happen.

The doorbell rang again and Jayce stiffened at her side, hissing under his breath,  
“Quinton.” the name had Joyce struggling to hold in a whining groan. Not this asshole again.  
“Please no.” She pouted,  
“I'll get ready to call the police.” her brother growled under his breath, hand already slipping under the counter, grabbing the cellphone that laid there, out of sight.

“Hey there.” Quinton, a young twenty something man that dressed like an eighties greaser, had already sidled up to the counter and was leaning on it with a wide grin,  
“No. Leave. You aren’t welcome here.” Jayce’s mouth turned down into an angry scowl; normally he was quiet and laid back. It took quite a bit to get the male twin to turn his attitude to sour and irritable.

Quinton just brought out the worst in people.

“Aw, c’mon. I’m just askin’ for the three of us to hang.” The greaser wannabe leaned in closer, his horrid breath washing over the store owner’s faces.  
“We told you. We’re asexual, not interested.” Joyce chipped in harshly, icily, wincing at the smell. The twins had both been hit on by the bisexual sleazeball; and neither were even interested in anything physical. Sex was disgusting and having children was just a no.  
“This is your last warning.” Jayce warned, his voice turning ever so soft and deadly, “Leave.”  
“Joyce, ya’ gonna let your brother bully me like this? I just came to visit?” Quinton pouted, reaching out to put a hand on her’s,  
“Quinton, for the love of God.” Joyce ripped her hand free, baring her teeth angrily, “Leave! I’ll call the cops!” the threat seemed weak, even to her own ears.

Rage flashed over Quinton’s face.

“You bitch.” His arm moved, and Joyce flinched, preparing for a swift hit- but it never came.  
“Enough. They said to stop.” The soft rumble was otherworldly. Filled with power and a call for respect and obedience. Never demanding, but gently requesting. Wisdom and integrity seemed to radiate from the stranger.  
Tall, nearly six foot two, by the twin’s wide eyed measuring, the man was certainly… different. His dark blue- black hair shone in the light, and the dark red bangs were a sharp contrast; he was wide shouldered but narrow hipped, with glowing blue eyes and high, aristocrate like features. As if he had been born into a noble’s family.

Those blue eyes, intense and seeming to give off an almost alien like glow, leveled Quinton with a laser like focus that unsettled even the twins; whom it wasn’t even aimed at.  
“Alright, alright man, no need to get violent. I was just sayin’ hi.” Quinton clearly felt it as well, because he grinned nervously and tried to tug his arm free. The stranger held it forcefully for a moment longer, squeezing briefly, as though to send a message, before letting go and allowing the cowardly young man to flee out the front door.

“Thank you so much.” Joyce offered the man a grateful smile, feeling Jayce relaxing at her side, “What’s your name?”  
“Orion. Are you alright?” The soft rumble made them both want to melt- it screamed of warmth and safety, reminding them of the fireplace back at their parent’s house, “What is yours?”  
“We’re fine.” Jayce jumped into the conversation, “I’m Jayce, this is my twin, Joyce.” gratitude shown in the male twin’s eyes.

“Those are good names.” Orion smiled softly at Jayce, his eyes crinkling a bit; there was only a gentle friendliness there,  
“Oh, I’m sorry, do you want to check out?” Joyce smiled, spotting the soda in the man’s other hand.  
“Yes, please.” He nodded,  
“On the house.” Jayce waved a hand, “Along with anything else you want. Gas or otherwise.”  
“That is too kind of you.”  
“Nonsense.” Joyce huffed, leaning forward on the counter, “If not for you, I would have a nice new bruise to show off, and my brother would be in jail for killing Quinton.” she grinned, “It's the least we can do, really!”  
“If you insist.” Orion gave in, his cheeks flushing slightly with a hint of blue, making them wonder if he was cold.

The AC was going… but it was in the middle of summer? He shouldn’t have any kind of chills, let along hypothermia.

“Please be careful.” Picking up his purchases, Orion began making his way for the front door,  
“We will, have a wonderful day, and thank you again.” Jayce waved after him, grinning,  
“Come by again anytime.” Joyce chimed in, beaming just as brightly as her brother. The man was something else.  
Then there was a sharp clicking noise, and they fall froze. Orion, who had pushed open the front door and was standing stock still in the doorway, and the twins, who were still staring after him, not even daring to breathe.  
They had forgotten about the old geezer that had come in first, in the excitement of everything, and it sounded like it was going to cost them. Taking a deep breath, Joyce slowly looked over, followed by Jayce- and they found themselves staring down the barrel of a gun.

Neither knew what kind, but it was large and looked like the bullet would hurt.

“Keep walkin’, stranger, this don’t concern you.” The old man trembled, his thick, Southern accented voice pleading as he held the twins at gunpoint,  
“I would beg to differ.” Orion’s voice was soft and even, his eyes remaining focused on the man, rather than his weapon. His presence shifted, from kind and caring, to something that reminded those in the room of a military commander.  
“Please, just keep movin’. I don’t wanna hurt nobody.” Ragged, patched and worn, the man looked as if he was standing on his last legs, so desperate he was willing to kill another,  
“Look, you can have the money in the register, let’s just not do anything we’ll regret.” Joyce spoke slowly, reaching out and tapping the metal container on the counter. The gun followed her movement, but the man just nodded sharply,  
“Yeah, yeah, give- give me everything in th- the register!” His order was uncertain and filled with a nervous tremble laced through the stuttering.

He was afraid. What had driven him to do something so desperate? Not that it mattered at the moment.

“It's okay. You can have it.” Joyce soothed, clicking the metal object open and pulling the drawer out. She kept her eyes on the man’s, never glancing away for even a moment, and moved slowly so as not to startle him.  
‘Be carefully.’ She could see Jayce shift ever so subtly, silently begging her not to put her life in danger or do anything reckless. He didn’t even have to sign it, she could see it in his expression and the way he moved. Her twin was her other half, and she could read him like a book.  
“Here you go.” Joyce held out the whole drawer of cash, trying to hold steady despite its weight. No fast movements.  
“Put it in the bag!” Yelling, the old man jerked, holding out a trash bag for the drawer. Clearly, this had been put together by someone at the end of his rope, with nothing left. No planning, no thought.

Honestly, the twins would have felt sorry for him- if he wasn’t holding them at gunpoint.

Orion had disappeared in the exchange; and Jayce wondered if he had ditched them, or if he was still somewhere in the store. He hadn’t heard the bell ring, to signal his leaving, but he could have easily missed it- loud as his heart was pumping in his ears.  
It was like an African Wardrum during a battle raid was pounding away in his head, and Jayce mused that he may not be able to hear after this- if he got out alive. He watched his sister carefully dump the cash into the trash bag, before placing the drawer down carefully on the counter between them.

But the old man wasn’t done just yet.

Switching the bag over to the hand that was also holding the gun, he then grabbed Joyce harshly with his now free appendage and dragged her over the countertop. She screamed, and Jayce lunged, only to get the barrel pointed an inch away from his nose, stopping him short abruptly in his quest.  
Joyce struggled from where she was trapped up against the man’s chest by a surprisingly strong grip. When she refused to hold still, he jerked her and slammed her down into the counter, making her head crack against the surface sickeningly.

Joyce went slack in his grip, blood starting to trickle down her face from a new wound along her forehead.  
“You son’a’va’bitch!” Jayce roared, pressing up as close as he could to the gun, baring his teeth, “You let her go! She gave you what you wanted, dammit!”  
“S-sorry, I need insurance.” The man gasped, trembling, sweat pouring down off him in buckets, “Don’t worry, your twin will be fine. Just… just don’t call the Police, okay? I’ll let her go as soon as I’m clear of the state.” he began to back away, dragging a dazed Joyce with him.

Her hazy green eyes found her brother’s matching, desperate ones. She gave him what she hoped was a reassuring smile, her dark red hair falling in her face. A perfect pair to her brother’s blood like locks. A brother she might never see again.  
“That’s it now… nice and easy…” The man breathed, slowly moving the gun away from Jayce’s face, and towards his sister’s. She didn’t seem to register the new danger as they drew closer to the door leading out.

But the gun never reached the skin of Joyce’s temple. It never even got fully aimed in her direction.

Quick as a striking snake, hands grabbed the man from behind. One closing tightly around the wrist holding the trigger of the gun, the other around the arm that was holding Joyce. In one quick movement, the hostage had been thrown free, and into Jayce’s arms, and the man had been taken to the ground.  
He grunted and screamed, thrashing and fighting, but his opponent, a very intent looking Orion, had him pinned quite firmly against the ground. Jayce suspected that he had crept around the aisles once the man was fully focused on the twins, but he didn’t give it further thought than that. Instead, he gently led his wounded sibling around the counter and down below it, where they would be out of harm’s way.  
In the background, they could clearly hear Orion easily tying up the yelling and struggling man, before carefully knocking him unconscious and kicking the gun away from him with a loud clatter.

It was over in mere seconds.

Jayce gently wiped blood from Joyce’s face, frowning with no small amount of worry. All they had was each other; he couldn’t lose her. He would give anything, anything at all, to make for certain that she was going to be okay.  
Orion came around the counter and knelt,  
“Let me see.” He urged softly, holding out his hands. For a moment, Jayce considered him, his hands tightening on his dazed sister’s shoulders. But this was twice now that he had saved her, didn’t Orion deserve a little of his trust?  
If he had ever had friends outside of Joyce; he would want them to be like Orion.  
Jayce wavered, before gently holding out his precious cargo to the blue eyed male. Orion gave him a reassuring, small smile, before taking Joyce from him with care. He leaned her against the counter’s edge, before gently checking over the wound on her forehead.

“Do you have a first aid kit?”  
“Ye- yes, here.” Jayce reached out, and retrieved the white and red box from under the register, instantly handing it over to Orion. The stranger got to work, flipping the kit open and setting to patching up Joyce’s forehead. His hands were steady and quick, cleaning the cut and placing a large bandage on it.  
It was shallow, thankfully, and only bled a lot because it was a face wound.  
“Thank you.” Joyce mumbled, trying to focus on the man in front of her. She was just so tired and shaken after everything; it made it difficult.  
“Of course. Jayce, can you call the police?” Orion’s eyes, intense in their blue hue, slid over to the male, drawing a pink flush from him. More from embarrassment then anything. He had let panic over take him. If he had stayed calm, he could’ve handled all this. But because it was his sister… Jayce shook the thoughts off.  
“I can do that.” He tapped the button located on the underside of the counter, sending an alert to the station. He had used it maybe all of three times since owning the store, and often forgot that it was there.

Something that had nearly proved fatal, had Orion not been there.

“You should go. Otherwise they’ll try to keep you here. You look like you have somewhere important to be.” Joyce shoved on Orion’s shoulder gently, giving him a small smile,  
“But it is illegal-” his brows furrowed as he started to protest,  
“Joyce and I can handle the cops, and I’m sure our recorded video will be more then enough evidence. Every store needs cameras.” Jayce chimed in, cutting him off, “Go on. We can manage from here.” he wrapped an arm around his sister’s shoulders, bringing her back to lean against his chest.  
Orion remained silent for a moment, seeming to contemplate things, before nodding,  
“Very well. Here…” He glanced around, located a sticky note set on the countertop with a pen, and scribbled down something with them both, before offering it to Jayce,  
“Please, call me and tell me how things turn out. I want to know that you are both alright.” Orion frowned, a seriousness settling over his features.

“Of course.” Jayce’s face was as red as a tomato as he took the elegantly scrawled phone number delicately, as though it might bite him. Kindness like this was hard to come by, and it was a rare commodity indeed.  
The stranger nodded, before standing, and leaving just as mysteriously and quietly as he had come. They stared after him, long after he had climbed into his red and blue semi-truck, and driven off out of sight with a silver Porsche following in his wake.

“Hey Jayce?”  
“Yeah Joyce?”  
“We’re asexual… right?”  
“Yeah.”  
“Remind me why again?”  
“Because everyone else in the world is stupid and kids are frightening. Not to mention we would have to split up.”  
“Oh.” The twins were quiet for a moment, contemplating, before Joyce finished her thought, “I’d have his babies.” a small smile tugged at her lips, a joking tone to her voice,  
“Joy!” Jayce sounded positively scandalized,  
“What?!”  
“...Me too.”  
“Jay!”  
“What?!”  
“You don’t even have ovaries!”  
“I don’t need ‘em! He can impregnate me anyday.”

“That’s not how that works you doofus!”

XxX

Optimus had studiously attempted to ignore Jazz’s howling laughter for two solid minutes after driving off out of sight of the store. Annabelle hadn’t noticed a thing, and was happily smiling and drinking her soda, clearly looking forward to seeing her father soon in a rare visit to the base. Prowl had seen fit to send the Prime away from his beloved office and paperwork, and so he had offered to pick Anna up for her father.

“Jazz, please…” Optimus pleaded, his rumbling voice low and tired, embarrassment lacing through it,  
“‘Ah didn’ know ya’ had it in ya’! Wait ‘till Prowler hears!” Jazz continued to cackle,  
“Please, no, Jazz.” the Prime protested weakly, but he was ignored.

“Holy hell, Optimus! I might turn the lesbians straight, and Prowl the straights gay, but you! You sexualize asexuals!”

**Author's Note:**

> The last of the series, no more, lol.
> 
> This is NOT meant to be offensive or assuming of ANYTHING. It is purely for humor and as a joke. If you don't like it, please don't bash me around the head with a baseball bat, I am just a poor Pansexual trying to learn to be a better author.


End file.
